By, John Oputa
It’s surprising how couples are unable to spot the signs that tell their relationship is heading towards the wall. I wonder if they just get too busy to pay attention, or don’t notice the changes that are gradually growing bigger with each passing day. While some might notice and just deny the distressed state of the relationship, others may not even realize how far they have strayed until it’s too late.
Like they say, a stitch in time saves nine. So pay close attention to these signs, for they stand as the warning lights to a troubled relationship.
You Don’t Touch Any More
You can compile a catalog of reasonable excuses for why you just don’t touch each other anymore, but the fact remains that if you have stopped being affectionate, your relationship is not healthy. Please don’t mistake sex for touch, because this is about shared touch and affection. If you’re not doing it, your relationship is in trouble. One of you will eventually crave it and look elsewhere or announce that they want to look elsewhere.
You Can’t Remember The Last Time You Laughed Together
Who wants to keep sticking around with a miserable down in the dump person? Or even if it’s not that bad, not that obvious, if you can’t remember sharing a laugh together that means you’re not sharing little joys, or probably big joys. People want to be in a relationship with a happy person who contributes to their happiness too, and who builds and shares a happy life together. If you can’t enjoy good times together, you’re headed to a place where one or both of you, will ask, why are we doing this if we aren’t happy together?
Conversation Escalates To Hostility And Conflict Easily
If even the most mundane topic you talk about leads to conflict and anger, it’s a sign that deeper problems are going on and you cannot get along. If you have underlying pain, contempt, rage, but don’t express it then all your small talk will become challenging. Heed this sign because it won’t turn around overnight unless you both honestly talking about what’s going on between you.
No Date Nights Or Rare Couple Time
If you’ve let the structure of regular date nights slide, you’ll end up feeling disconnected and that’s a path to disaster in a relationship. You need alone time, no matter what, to replenish your relationship and reinvigorate it with romance to remind yourselves why you choose each other to begin with. Once you let that priority go, you’re on the path to letting each other go altogether.
You Tend To Ignore Each Other At Home
If you’ve become the couple who leave their own separate lives outside the house and then basically revolve around each other at home with minimal contact, you watch different television shows, you have hobbies and interests that never overlap and you don’t talk about the necessary things to do with the home or family, then this simply means you’ve lost your intimacy. A short time of this due to specific stress or difficulty such as grief or work deadlines is one thing, but sustaining this dynamic between you for months or even longer, will spell the end for you two.
You Feel Lonely In The Relationship
Maybe to the outside world you appear to be a perfect couple, but if you feel the friendship is gone, let alone the intimacy and that your partner no longer invests in you or appreciates your attempts to connect, then that sense of loneliness will lead to you walking out the door, today, tomorrow or eventually. You may try to get your emotional needs met elsewhere for a while (without cheating), but if you continue to feel lonely and don’t address it together, it will overwhelm you and the relationship. Besides, why be in a lonely relationship? It’s lonelier being lonely with someone, than being alone. Fix it.
You Avoid The Same Bed Time
To Avoid Conflict A classic tactic couples use when they are unhappy or have a fight is to avoid the bedroom except to sleep, and to go at different times. When couples go to bed at the same time, they share pillow talk, whether it’s about the erotic or the everyday details. It’s a private and personal time that builds and reflects the intimacy you share. Once a couple starts avoiding going to bed together, you are on a path to feeling separate and then becoming separate.
You Spy On Your Partner’s Phone To Know What They’re Up To, Rather Than Talk Directly To Them
If you begin to feel so distant that you feel you don’t know your partner, and have to resort to spying, then your relationship is headed to a break up if you don’t fix it. There’s no room for dishonesty, ongoing jealousy or secrecy in a healthy relationship. This leads to betrayal and then the relationship is doomed. It is one thing to accidentally see something and address it with your partner, but it’s quite another to quietly, without permission, access your partner’s online life and communication because that’s how you feel compelled to know what they are doing. If they are up to no good, bring it out in the open. If they are not, then stop spying and get your relationship back to being honest and healthy, or it won’t be a relationship for much longer.
You Feel Resentment, Anger And Pain And Don’t Talk It Through
Some of the quietest thoughts lead to the most dramatic and upsetting break ups. Don’t be statistic because you didn’t speak up. Unmet expectations, buried feelings and hurts that weren’t expressed don’t go away by themselves. They stay, they fester, and they grow bigger, deeper and become more damaging over time. Being avoid-ant in your relationship will lead you down the road to breaking up and not in a short time either. That’s one of the fastest and most effective ways to sabotage a relationship that could have had a chance.